We had a goodbye dinner with Newcastle Guy and Quebec Hottie before Alex left for Seattle. It was a goodbye dinner but also a celebratory dinner because those two crazy kids recently ran off and got married. I wanted to post a picture of them on the blog but they wished to remain anonymous so we compromised --
Most. Terrifying. Dinner. Ever.
When the server learned of our two momentous occasions, she brought us some complimentary drinks. They were some kind of sweet aperitif. They confused us and had no business being in the middle of our meal but it was nice of her to bring them so we drank them.
She was Scottish and seemed to like us quite a lot. That changed suddenly when she walked up to the table and overheard Alex describing a man at his gym who wore a white spandex bodysuit while doing downward dog in the middle of the weight-lifting room and who wore his "little helper" pointing straight up. There was some sputtering between Alex and Newcastle Guy and some incredulous exclamations of "Who the hell wears it pointing UP?"
After that, Scottish server pretended we didn't exist. We couldn't have gotten Scottish server to pay attention to us even if Alex and Newcastle Guy put on spandex and did downward dog in the middle of the restaurant. (Let's not picture the "little helper" part.)
I am aware there's been a lot of penis talk on the blog of late. Sorry about that or you're welcome, depending on whether or not you're a penis enthusiast.
Here's something special. I found this at one of those cheesy shops that sell Paris souvenirs. It's become my most prized possession. I'm going to take it home in my carry-on to make sure I don't lose it.
I always suspected the "altruistic hamster" thing was an act
This goddamn piece of sh*t stupid ass house
Alex and I have been trying to buy this "old" (1903 -- HA HA! Our Paris apartment is from 1670, motherf*cker!) house for almost eight months. When we first started the process, it seemed like plenty of time to get it squared away before we returned home. But that was FALSE.
how you doin', Earl...
The house is a short sale, which means we're trying to swoop in and buy it before it becomes a foreclosure. Those of you familiar with the short sale process (nothing short about it) have probably just emitted a blood-curdling scream and fainted. It's a nightmare.
GAH! OMG! WTF is that, house?
We could just return to the house we already have, the one we spent years fixing up and have dreamt about since walking into our teeny tiny Parisian apartment three years ago. But the more we thought about going back to our old life in our old house, waking up that first morning in our old bedroom and mowing our old lawn, the more depressed we became. It didn't feel like it fit anymore. We needed something new, something to be excited about --
-- like these discarded cushions found in a closet
When we heard about this house, we jumped. "Yes!" we exclaimed. "What we need is a smaller house with fewer bathrooms that's covered in graffiti, full of garbage, and needs a shit ton of work!"
But wait. It's also three doors down from some of our favorite friends, in fact one of whom was just here visiting me. (Her husband was wearing a koala backpack when I first met him.) Across the street from the house are more friends. About seven or eight doors down there are some more. Our friends have started a commune on this street and we want in. (Can anyone say "sexy key party?" whoot whoot!)
If you're still not sold -- the next door neighbor is a male supermodel and I bet he mows the lawn with his shirt off.
If you're still not sold -- the next door neighbor is a male supermodel and I bet he mows the lawn with his shirt off.
Oh yes, there will be life after Paris --
Our real estate agent has put her whole life on hold to help us get this house. If you need a kickass real estate agent in Seattle, I'll give you her info but she may not be able to help you right away; she will be busy sawing at the chain I've used to attach myself to the house and telling me to calm the eff down because I'm screaming, "It's MINE, it's MINE, give the greedy hamster her house!"
come to mama, beautiful
In a recent conversation with my parents, my father said, "You guys sure don't do anything the easy way." I'm proud to say we don't even try; it just comes naturally.
We need this beautiful, sh*tty house. Our whole lives depend on it. Commence with the crossing of the fingers.
Ugh,
MJ
23 comments:
I like living naked in bed, too. Just wanted to put that out there.
oh, i´m sure gonna miss you... you´ll keep up the blogging i hope!
*fingerscrossed for the house :)
Hey...you are going crazy aren't you?
First all a shout out because hello, you mentioned penis's just for me and the duchess didn't you....and second of all that house rocks...nothing that about a 100 gallons of primer can't fix....love the windows
And who said you have to do anything easy...you've just spent 3 yrs in a city tha tmakes grocery shopping the most stressful part of your day
Hang in there girlie...you have to get that house so you can blog about getting rid of that graffiti
Have great weekend... take the kids to the lux for me...only so many times left......(sob).oops did I type that out loud?
I love your beautiful shitty house with the random feature walls and graffiti. Will you leave it there as some sort of post modern wankism? Just put a frame around it and call Grand Designs.
Tell Alex that the dude wasn’t doing downward dog, he was doing upward ‘rooster’.
Forget the supermodel honey, you need to find Earl! No graffiti-penis or subway tagging for Earl, no he breaks in and goes for “Why has my sublime been shot to hell?” and talks about the places he likes to lie naked. I love Earl.
Moving sucks at the best of times - times which don’t usually also include changing countries, new jobs, absent spouses and major end-of-an-adventure blues. Hang in their kid, remember that Frenchie who spoke of long dark tunnels and occasional bursts of sunshine? Your sunshine is coming. Oh wait, you’re headed for Seattle...
fingers are crossed and if I knew a man with an accommodating penis, I would have him cross that too.
uh, is that even possible?
obviously it has been awhile...a very LONG while. <3
xx
z
Rather like the tagger art...You should keep it...All the neighbors will put it down to your "Frenchie Ways"...It's...OK...Just...Breathe...Often
Coincidentally, Altruistic Hamster was the name of my short-lived 90s indie rock band.
Unfortunately people mistook us for an animal rights group so our audience consisted of three tree-lovin' hippies and a guy looking to bang chicks with glasses. Still, they were a devoted bunch... until that unfortunate incident when they discovered our guitar strings were made of actual hamster.
I'm confused by this house...it looks like it's in ok shape...was it over run by vagrants or squatters or "Occupy Seattle"? (Note: Avoid the corner of Pine & Broadway when you get home...stinky hippy alert at Seattle Central!)
Is this Central District-ish? That might explain the tagging...
(Note #2: The traffic is worse...they've started doing stuff to the viaduct and as a result, Seattle's slightly irritating traffic has moved up to "quite irritating"...)
Also: are you sure he's a male super model?
Seattle has LOTS of gay porn stars...they ARE similar in appearance, though the porn stars tend to be orange in color due to excessive salon tanning...
Paris Paul, so do we! We considered it a SIGN the house was meant to be ours!
Thanks, Julia. I'm gonna miss you, too. I will keep blogging in some way, not sure on the deets... thanks for crossin' of the fingers, too. Come on, come on, come on!!!
Yep, Debbie, I'm afraid this in-between time has really done me in. I'm not well. And when I said "penis enthusiast" how did you KNOW I meant you and Duchesse and Old Gray Mare? Holla, ladies, you go on with your bad selves.
SOB is right, Debbie. It's over, we all know it's over, now I just really need it to be over.
Jenn -- Post Modern Wankism is my new favorite thing. Not QUITE up there with Greedy Hamster, but a close second. And no, I'm thinking I need to get rid of it. It scares me a little bit.
Bec, you continue to crack me up with each and every comment you leave. You've really bloomed in the comment posse, and are totally working your writer roots. You go, girl.
Love Earl, too. And we understand the graffiti does not come from an outside source, but in fact from the family with some teenaged-children who went nuts when they heard they were going to lose the house. That's just what we heard... but it could explain the lack of gang symbols, and the fact most of the tagging is angsty poetry.
Old Gray Mare, you may have just become President of the Penis Enthusiast Posse. Congratulations.
Laughing Salmon. The graffiti scares me. I can't imagine watching Sesame Street in my cozy little living room with that giant eye oozing something looking down on me. But I must admit, the graffiti does have a strange appeal. Kinda.
Bec, you best just get your own blog so you can work out some of these thoughts. You're on fire, sister.
Hi Michael Strangeways -- observe my response above to Bec. We hear the graffiti artists are teenagers who lived in the house, which makes sense. The house is in OK shape but needs a ton of work to make it livable -- we will still need to prostitute ourselves to pay for it.
Speaking of sexiness, the neighbor is a supermodel through and through. He's quite Google-able, and I assure you he's all class, no ass.
Bye, posse.
Michael again -- can't imagine Seattle traffic sucking a whole lot more than it did before we left. So yeah! At least the viaduct is out of the picture finally...
I don't know. Wasn't the local crack house in better shape? Maybe you can make them an offer.
Hi Marie -- funny you mention it. Our first house, the one we spent years fixing up, was a crack den. The neighbors had stacks of police business cards from when they'd sit at their dining room tables and watch our house with binoculars. Houses with checkered pasts need love too...
Oh that house has such good bones! Those pics got my creative juices flowing. Will probably spend the night redecorating it with my stuff!:)
Yup, I know what you mean by not feeling comfy living in your old house anymore... I have every intention of redecorating our condo next summer when we go back to Ottawa... then we're selling it in 2013 when our mortgage comes to maturity. I have changed and I need my place to reflect that.
I love me a good penis story. Do you know that most excellent French classic by Pierre Perret - le zizi?:) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Wf0xLz4Szc
We of course have a Quebec equivalent - le clito!:)
Enjoy!;)
Debs, LE ZIZI was for you too;) Hope you liked it!;)
I'm loving the eyeball to the right of the fireplace. And those windows in the first pic! I'd kill to have windows like those!
One thing MJ, as you have small children, but I'd seriously consider lead tests on all that paint. And be sure to check for asbestos insulation and cloth wiring. Old house have charm, but they also contain hazards. Likely the previous owners were not fans of This Old House (hence the condition), but suggest you seriously consider a home inspector with extension experience with old homes.
Mrs. Howard -- the most special thing about the windows is that nearly all of them are cracked or broken. It really adds a little something extra special.
Marie -- on it. Guy who lived there before was a general contractor and did some really good work on the house. Lots been replaced -- he just let his kids go nuts and tear all that work apart at some point which kind of sucks.
But agreed, even with all the work he's done, some nasty stuff probably still lingers. Alex still claims it was me living amidst lead pain at our old house while pregnant that made Lucien so "excitable."
Fingers crossed! I so hope you will keep blogging. You don't seem the type to run out of good life material. You have a Loush and a Coco. Those two, plus the rehab on the house(Because I know you'll get it.) should be fodder for lots of MJ-isms.
friends are more important than that other stuff like space. A little paint--hopefully there's no dooty--and it'll be right as rain. Looks lovely.
April, thank you! Yes, I'll keep blogging even if no one ever reads again. We seem to be the types to attract weird stuff and since there's a ton of weird stuff in Seattle (plus, as you mentioned...my family), I'm hoping I find something to write about.
Zannelaw, THANK YOU. Actually thank you to the whole posse. When I first posted the pics of the house, I was sure you were all going to think we were nuts. The fact you see what we see, and believe we're doing the right thing (kinda) means a lot to me.
Maybe I value your opinions too much? Hey, should I have another baby? Shave my head? Move to Spain? TELL ME I'LL DO IT, POSSE.
You go girl. GET THAT HOUSE!
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