I don't know if it worked. Is it "gritty" to wear skinny jeans and tie a scarf around your neck that's so large it looks like you're being choked to death by a boa constrictor?
(And yes, the Pierre Herme macaron flavors card will be coming back to Seattle and will find a prominent place on our huge American refrigerator. We won't want to lose touch with our Paris fanciness.)
Alex is in Seattle and enjoying himself when he's not being intimidated by his new super hard job. He had dinner at our friends' house, the friends next to the goddamn house we're trying to buy, where he met some of the neighbors. They tried to Skype with me as a group but they were too inebriated and yelling too loudly for me to help them figure it out.
Horny Brit told Alex he needed to get the video thing working so he could see if I was attractive or not, which would determine whether or not he was willing to have an affair with me. Then I think they all wandered off and fell asleep which is probably a good thing.
It's great he's having a good time but in my opinion Alex being in Seattle really sucks. When left by myself during a stressful and emotionally turbulent time, my brain don't work too good. Stuff like this keeps happening --
they all look the same after awhile
You can hardly blame me for the vagueness. It runs rampant in Paris. Just look at "some kid's" birthday invitation, especially the directions on how to find their apartment once inside the building --
There are no apartment numbers in Paris for reasons I'll never understand, so you must give visitors turn-by-turn directions from the front door. Sometimes the directions are so convoluted you know you're never going to make it so you just pick any door and make a new friend!
(For those who don't speak the Frenchie talk, the above roughly translates to "you're never gonna find the party so leave the present in the courtyard.")
Alex and I had a meeting over the phone to discuss all "action items" still needing to be addressed for the move. There are a billion. It's overwhelming so I took copious notes --
At one point, Alex said, "OK, read me that list, let's see where we are," and I replied, "OK...umm... Sh*t F*ck Balls." There was a long silence on the other end of the line. I think Alex was taking a quiet moment to appreciate my sense of humor.
We've been notified of our temporary address in Seattle. For two months we'll be living in temporary executive housing downtown while we continue humping legs for the keys to the goddamn house. It's pretty cool we get to live downtown but it also sucks we're not going to have a yard for yet another two months. At least our temporary apartment complex has a pool and fitness room so the kids and I can get ripped while waiting to play outside.
Our cleaning lady cried today. Next week will be the last week we need her and she's not handling it well. She met us way back when, back when I was newly pregnant. She met Coco a few days after she was born and has been her faithful companion ever since. They're peas and carrots. I told her I'd always send her pictures of the kids and keep her updated on what they were doing and she started crying. It was awful.
I can't believe how much we're going to miss her, but there it is. She's a wonderful woman and has helped me immeasurably -- cleaning-wise, language-wise, and mental health-wise. If you live in Paris and are looking for some help, let me know. We want her to go to a good family who will give her lots of love and attention and scratches behind the ears (sorry, brain crapped out on me again there).
Thank God I bought those gritty sequined ballet flats and that gritty red houndstooth coat with three-quarter sleeves OH MY GOD THEY'RE GONNA LAUGH ME RIGHT OUT OF SEATTLE,